Fear and Loathing In Los Angeles

Here are the facts:

1. Thursday night, I returned home from work around 7:30pm. I took a shower, brushed my teeth, and headed out for the rest of the night.
2. Friday morning, I returned home, and thought to myself, "A pear sounds nice." So I went to the fruit bowl, located in the center of my kitchen table, and found this:

After I was done scratching my head like this:

I started screaming, upon which my thoughtful and sweet neighbor came running.

"KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK!!!" Went the fist on my door. "Erin, are you okay? What's going on in there?"

"I think someone ate my pears!"

Looks of mutual confusion and disbelief were exchanged, and then collective screaming ensued.

Once we both calmed down, we began to examine the evidence. Both pears had clearly been tampered with. One is almost half gone, and another has been sampled. Look, you can almost see the little teeth marks:

I was at a loss for what, or who, had eaten my pears. If you remember, I had a cockroach back in September, but it was pretty tiny, and found in the bathroom, by an open window. I still maintain that he was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. Poor little guy. Didn't even live to see the end of that day, thanks to my trusty History of Costume textbook.

I have NEVER, ever seen anything else in this apartment. Not even a spider. My initial thought was mouse, but then I thought "that's a lot of pear for one little mouse." Which made me think it might have been something bigger.

Like a rat.

But was it? And if so, where did it come from? No other evidence suggests vermin in the house. There is nary a mouse (or rat) poop anywhere, and trust me, I was on my hands and knees for at least 30 minutes foraging the floor for just such a clue. Nothing. Zero, zip, zilch. (I did however find 17 cents and 3 blonde bobby pins.)

So I called my landlord, who called an exterminator, who just happened to be in my neighborhood (Good sign? Really bad sign?) and came right away.

"You have a rat, that's for sure," Exterminator Greg said. "But luckily it's just a baby."

Just a baby? Who ate half of my pear? I don't think it was just a baby. So guess what he left me with as a parting gift? Two rat traps. In. My. Apartment. With instructions to call when the rat has been caught "for prompt and immediate removal."

I thought all was good, the traps were set, and I was getting ready for a hot date night. Until...

I heard the trap snap.

Not even 60 minutes after it was set, the creature was caught. But it wasn't dead, oh no it wasn't dead, not even a little dead! It flip-flopped around in there, I screamed bloody murder, grabbed my overnight bag and headed out for the night.

When I returned this morning, I mustered up all the courage I had left in my body to look. And guess what.


The rat took the trap with him.

So now here I am, just wasting a perfectly good Saturday for Exterminator Greg to come back and find where the little rat took his little trap. So if you need me, I'll be here during the window of 12-4pm.


  1. oh my gosh. I cant believe it took the trap with him! My thoughts are going to be with your during these next couple hours. lol. hope everything gets taken care of. :)

  2. I hate to laugh at your expense my dear but that's kind of hilarious that there's a pear loving rat rummaging through your home with a trap attached to his tail. He must REALLY love pears.

  3. Oh my god!!!! Erin I'm mildly laughing at this even though I shouldn't be. That's so disturbing and I can't believe the trap didn't work! Hopefully you catch them soon. I'd be freaking out too!


  4. Oh good lord. I live in redondo beach and for my own peace of mind I like to pretend that the only vermin in the LA area are the possums (which I never see here) and that rats only exist in other places, such as the New York subways trenches. Do you live on the first floor? (Trying to convince myself that the 2nd floor is safe)....

    Hang in there, hope the exterminator finds him or her soon.

  5. this story is my worst nightmare. i'll forgive you if you give up your apartment and move into the Roosevelt instead. TOTALLY understandable!

  6. I would have been freaking out just like you did. We had a family of mice once and thank goodness our trust cat took care of it.

    Stumbled across your blog looking for new ones to read. LOVE it!

  7. Oh my gosh! That is so scary. How did the rat manage to take the trap with him? And it's a baby?? Eeeeeeew! I hope the exterminator finds him. I don't think that rat can go far with that trap. That is so gross!!

  8. OMG I would flip the eff out!!!!!!

  9. Not cool at all, but I was laughing my ass off reading this in the car and even reread it outloud to Pea Daddy. We were DYING. I hope the rat and the trap are gone for GOOD!


  10. eeeeek I would be freakin if I were you...OMG yikes!

  11. I love how you did this post Erin...so creative and cute, BUT I'm SO sorry about the rat!

    Hope you will enjoy your day!


  12. No freakin' way!!!! Love this post. Ok, it's not funny but I laughed a lot. Sorry. :( I would be freaking out like crazy if this happened to me. A rat, and now it's a baby rat with its own trap around him or her. Very sexy. What the hell???!!! I wanna know how it ended!!!


  13. oh my gosh! eww! We caught a mouse at work last year and it was really traumatic to see. It was one of those sticky traps, so the mouse was alive, but couldn't move. Oh the squeals I made when I saw it....

  14. OMG! You poor thing. Hope that nastiness is over with!

  15. I hate to laugh but really, I just laughed super hard at this post. Like so hard my gut hurts!

    You're going to have a phobia of pears for awhile. Just letting you know now.


Thanks for your comments! Hope you stop by again soon! XO!