The Who, What, When and Where are very easy to explain. It's the Why I still haven't figured out.
Let me set the scene for you. Gym locker room, 4pm, Friday afternoon. A locker room that looks similar to this:
I had just finished an hour on the Cross Ramp (a wonderful combo between a Stairmaster and an Elliptical trainer) and had entered the locker room when I saw a woman in her late twenties, early thirties, perhaps, standing in front of the mirror shaving her head. It is important to note, however, that this woman could have easily graced the cover of a fitness or body-building magazine, she was just completely ripped from head to toe. It's hard not to notice a body like that, one with all of its angles and curves and muscles and definition. One I would never have the time or energy to create, God willing I'd be able. Now I'm not one to stare, so I averted my attention to my own locker and proceeded to remove my gym bag. Miss Universe (as I will now refer to her) finished shaving her head (again, odd...right?) and then headed to her own locker next to mine.
What happened next I'm still trying to process. Miss Universe opens her locker, and pulls out the biggest cheeseburger I've ever seen, Carl's Jr. wrapper still intact, and ravishes it right in front of me. NAKED.
Did I forget to tell you Miss Universe was NAKED this whole entire head-shaving time? Oh I did? I'm sorry. SHE. WAS. NAKED. The whole time. Naked shaving her head. Naked chowing down the burger. Naked, naked, naked.
I'm not a prude so don't get all, "Erin, you were in a locker room!" on me, because I'll just say to you right back, "Yes, but who shaves their head and eats a cheeseburger in the locker room with everyone watching?"
Miss Universe is going at this Carl's Jr. cheeseburger like it's her job. And I am just in so much shock for so many reasons. Even now, four days later, I cannot believe what I saw.
#1: Who keeps a $6 burger in THEIR GYM LOCKER for a post-workout snack?
#2: Is she trying to be Britney Spears AND Paris Hilton at the same time???
#3: Is it really possible to eat Carl's Jr. $6 burgers and look like her?
#4: Am I missing something??????
Photo of locker room from here.
P.S. She already had short hair to begin with, but was definitely not, previously, bald.
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