You Have GOT To Be Kidding Me

The Who, What, When and Where are very easy to explain. It's the Why I still haven't figured out.
Let me set the scene for you. Gym locker room, 4pm, Friday afternoon. A locker room that looks similar to this:

I had just finished an hour on the Cross Ramp (a wonderful combo between a Stairmaster and an Elliptical trainer) and had entered the locker room when I saw a woman in her late twenties, early thirties, perhaps, standing in front of the mirror shaving her head. It is important to note, however, that this woman could have easily graced the cover of a fitness or body-building magazine, she was just completely ripped from head to toe. It's hard not to notice a body like that, one with all of its angles and curves and muscles and definition. One I would never have the time or energy to create, God willing I'd be able. Now I'm not one to stare, so I averted my attention to my own locker and proceeded to remove my gym bag. Miss Universe (as I will now refer to her) finished shaving her head (again, odd...right?) and then headed to her own locker next to mine.
What happened next I'm still trying to process. Miss Universe opens her locker, and pulls out the biggest cheeseburger I've ever seen, Carl's Jr. wrapper still intact, and ravishes it right in front of me. NAKED.

Did I forget to tell you Miss Universe was NAKED this whole entire head-shaving time? Oh I did? I'm sorry. SHE. WAS. NAKED. The whole time. Naked shaving her head. Naked chowing down the burger. Naked, naked, naked.
I'm not a prude so don't get all, "Erin, you were in a locker room!" on me, because I'll just say to you right back, "Yes, but who shaves their head and eats a cheeseburger in the locker room with everyone watching?"
Miss Universe is going at this Carl's Jr. cheeseburger like it's her job. And I am just in so much shock for so many reasons. Even now, four days later, I cannot believe what I saw.

#1: Who keeps a $6 burger in THEIR GYM LOCKER for a post-workout snack?

#2: Is she trying to be Britney Spears AND Paris Hilton at the same time???

#3: Is it really possible to eat Carl's Jr. $6 burgers and look like her?

#4: Am I missing something??????

#5: ???????????????????????????

Photo of locker room from here.

P.S. She already had short hair to begin with, but was definitely not, previously, bald.
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  1. Clearly she is in need of attention....the naked thing, head shaving, carl's eating....all of those moves scream ATTEntion, look at me!!!!!!

    I doubt in her real life she eat Carls. She probably does it there for the looks she will garnish.

    Not to mention, she's probably bi or lesb and wanted you to be looking at her my love :) Well just a guess, but who plops down and eats a sandwich naked in a stinky gym locker room unless there are some slight other motives :)

    Just my .02
    Only in So Cal, I tell you! Lived there for 6 yrs, just moved 2 mos ago, so yeah, I have my share of stories.

  2. Hahahaha that is so funny and strange. Wouldn't keeping a burger in her locker make all her clothes stink? Did she shave off ALL her hair?? I've seen strange things going on in locker rooms, but nothing THAT strange!

  3. Sounds like something out of the Twilight Zone, haha - so bizarre and disturbing!

  4. Yes...she shaved ALL of her hair off. Buzz, buzz.

  5. Um, what? This story is cracking me up!

  6. Hmmm I am almost completely speechless. All I can really say is WTF?????????????

  7. Wow and I thought I'd seen some weird things in LA... That takes the cake.

  8. Hahaha! I will be shocked as well. Burger for an after-workout snack? She wants attention no doubt. And doing everything naked, major attention disorder.

  9. This is so odd. Was her hair already really short or did she shave a large amount of hair like Britney did? I don't know why I'm asking, just curious I suppose. ... Maybe she was crazy?

  10. Ok probably one of the strangest things I've heard that was not just out on the street...

    Although the burger part doesn't weird me out as much, well... maybe it does because she was naked... but if she had pulled if from her locker while dressed, I might have some empathy as I tend to eat burgers after the gym.. but with all my hair in tact and with clothes on.

    btw, how much hair was she shaving?

  11. Man that is weird!!! But I still have to laugh. Sounds like you needed to be pinched to make sure you were not dreaming it. Too funny.

  12. this post is funny! i still hate it when women parade around changing rooms naked - there is NO NEED!!

  13. Wait. I wasn't supposed to do that? What do you mean I can't be naked while shaving my head or eating my hamburger in the locker room?

    You really are a buzz kill - get it...buzz kill.... Man, do I crack myself up....

    Seriously, you should have talked to her. Imagine what kind of conversation you would have had with her...

  14. o.m.g.

    Did you check to see if somebody had slipped you a hallucigenic? 'Cause seriously, that's just downright STRANGE PUPPIES.

  15. That is so strange!!! I don't even know what to say. Except ask Ari whether he would like me more if I did that, too. Nope.

  16. good lord, that is the funniest thing i have read all day!
    i am just angry that i can't have a rockin bod and a $6 burger.


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