9.13.2009

OMG x 2

So I consider myself to be a reasonably-able girl. I can change a tire. I can build IKEA furniture. I maintain a spotless apartment. You should SEE my linen closet. I separate the whites from the colors when doing laundry. I can run for 5 straight hours. I'm tough! I cannot, however, kill a bug (much less a cockroach) for the life of me.
That being said, today, two completely "OMG, GROSS!" things have happened. The first of which, is that I went into my bathroom to find a cockroach on it's back sunbathing on the floor. While I screamed my head off (leading the neighbors upstairs to come running) it just lay there, basking in its little cockroach glory, reading a teeny-tiny cockroach magazine and drinking a teeny-tiny cockroach cocktail.
I immediately ran to the bookshelf to grab the heaviest textbook I could find, Survey of Historic Costume. The Murder Weapon

I ran into the bathroom, threw 302 paper towels on top of the sunbathing cockroach, and slammed the book on it as hard as I could, screaming again all the while.
Then I peeked. BUT IT WAS STILL ALIVE!
SO then I screamed my head off some more, running around like a mad-woman on my tippy-toes, dancing the "there's a bug and it won't die" dance all through the house.
Eventually, I built up the courage to go slam Survey of Historic Costume on the cockroach again. And again. And before you get all, "Poor little cockroach, just sunbathing on your floor, you didn't have to kill it!" let me just remind you that this is L.A., and where there is one, there are many, and I can't go around having a "situation" of these proportions. In other related news, I DID let the fly in the kitchen live. Happy?

Final Score? Me: 1 Cockroach: 0

Next in the "OMG GROSS!" file is a little story involving my dear sweet, precious baby Leila. If you've read this blog very thoroughly, you know that she lives in Colorado with my family, as I just work way too much and am never home, and it would be unfair to take her away from a place where she gets more attention than I have to give at this moment. I miss her every single day of my life. Anyways, my mom has a new house that she and her husband built when they got married a year ago. They also now have a mouse problem. Can you see where this is going? Leila has been overtly interested in the mice, and on the rare occasion that they show their tiny little mouse faces, she runs around the house on her little Chihuahua legs SO EXCITED to have a friend, finally, who is smaller than her to play with. At least that's what we all thought. Until today. When she ate one.
I'll give you some time to think about that.
Need more time? Okay. Here's some more time.
Ready to freak out with me? Let's go! COLLECTIVE SCREAMING HEARD AROUND THE BLOGOSPHERE!
Leila caught a mouse with her bare paws.
Eeww.
My mom got it from her, and poor Leila was so sad to have her kill taken away from her. I just had no idea my little girl was so nimble! So quick!

Final Score? Leila: 1 Mouse: 0

This week my goals are to keep both myself and my puppy away from all vermin and pests. Now you'll excuse me, I have to go bleach my entire apartment.


4 comments :

  1. I'm still laughing... almost fell off my seat. You, my superwoman, afraid of cockroaches? Hahaha! Well, that's normal for ordinary girls but you? *still laughing* I just can't believe it.

    Have the pest control experts come over your place, for sure there can be more of them around. I just had my house fumigated for mosquitoes and cockroaches a couple of days ago.

    And little Leila, I can relate to that because my little Belle (my shitszu) is fond of running after a mouse too. She thinks she's a cat. Oh btw, I also asked the pest control guy to take care of possible mouse attacks.

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  2. OMG I am the same way! I scream if I a see a "vermin" of any kind in my "living quarters" unexpectedly! OMG my hubby has ran out of the bathroom thinking I was being murdered before... I told him "IT WAS A MOUSE!" OMGOMGOMG I have goosebumps!

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  3. LMAO! I am so guilty of flipping out over some bugs... when I moved to O-town I had never seen a cockroach so let me just tell you how bad I flipped out when I finally saw one! Screaming and standing on chairs much?!?!?

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  4. i found my first cockroach the other day. flipped out - i'd lived in three apartments in nyc for seven years with very dirty boys and never seen one before.

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